Jump to:
Adoption • Advocacy • Body Image • Boundaries • Circumstantial Infertility • Ectopic and Molar Pregnancy • Egg Freezing • Emotional Support • Endometriosis • Genetics • Grief • Holidays • How to Support • Humor • Infertility • Loss • Male Factor Infertility • Mikvah, Niddah & Intimacy • Miscarriage • PCOS • Personal Stories • Pregnancy After Loss • Pregnancy Announcements • Recurrent Loss • Relationships and Friendships • Religion and Faith • Secondary Infertility • Self-Care • Sexual Health • Singles • Surrogacy • Termination for Medical Reasons • Third Party Reproduction • Tokophobia • What Not To Say
Adoption
Don’t automatically assume that adoption is only for those who “fail” treatments. It’s for anyone who wants to give a child a (Jewish) home. It’s the very essence of Tikkun Olam (tikkun olam is the idea that Jews bear responsibility not only for their own moral, spiritual, and material welfare, but also for the welfare of society at large).❤️
Chavie Bruk, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about dealing with unmet expectations and how to have a mindset shift, leaning in and feeling the pain and the good and hard things about being an adoptive parent.
Cynthia Darrison, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about the hurdles to adopt a baby girl from China, how her community accepted her daughter, Rachel, and what advice she gives to would-be singles and couples wanting to adopt.
Advocacy
I’ve always said, I wish I knew more about amh/fsh when I maybe could have banked some eggs, when I was single and making money, and maybe able to bank. I had no idea that my reserve was low, AND I had been going to a GYN since I’m 12! Every single one of those doctors said I should have no issue getting pregnant.
Zoe Clark-Coates, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her heartbreaking fertility journey, her role in one of the most successful campaigns to change government policy around these issues and the four books she has written for those who are grieving.
Risa Levine, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her own personal story, how her marriage failed in the middle of her own IVF journey and how she worked to change the lives of so many struggling to have a baby.
Body Image
Don’t comment on people’s bodies. Ever. Maybe their fertility medications are causing them to gain weight. Maybe they just had a loss and haven’t lost the weight. Maybe they are pregnant but they aren’t ready to talk about it yet. You never know what someone is going through, but you can be certain that commenting on their body is never the right move.
Dana Sicherman, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her journey with PCOS, how she "took back" her life and her outlook about her diagnosis.
Rachel Tuchman, LMHC, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about body compassion, acceptance, and ow to advocate to your healthcare providers.
Boundaries
It’s not about getting mad, feeling insulted or shut out. It’s the recognition that this person in your life, the one who you love so much, needs something different than what you have been giving. It’s about them…not you.
Saying no is a complete sentence. You don’t have to do *that* thing if it’s going to be too much for you. You can say no to taking on more responsibility at work. You can say no if someone tries to show you pictures of their baby.
Betty Gulko, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about boundaries regarding sharing your fertility journey, how she approaches these discussions in her life and her struggle with endometriosis.
Circumstantial Infertility
"I really resonate with this circumstantial infertility concept. I waited much longer than I wanted to for my first because my husband was in school, and he didn’t want to try yet. When we finally did, I had a miscarriage but then thankfully got pregnant again right away.
Trigger warning for Sex Addiction. This is difficult to read, but we are sharing it because we believe it's important for people to understand the myriad of things that can prevent people from having a baby.
Another form of circumstantial infertility is when someone does not have the parts required to get pregnant. This could be due to MRKH, Turner syndrome (where the ovaries are underdeveloped) or other such situations. As always, please be kind, as you never know what someone else is going through.
Ectopic and Molar Pregnancy
“I went to the ER with my husband early one morning, waiting till my 5-year-old son had gone off to kindergarten. I assumed that the blinding pain that ran from my lower left quadrant down my leg toward my knee was a repeat of the intestinal infection I’d had a few years earlier…”
Pregnancy loss is a loss regardless of the nature. Comments like "you must be thankful to be alive" or "at least you know you can get pregnant" are extremely painful and can undermine the true pain of the loss.
We know losing a pregnancy for any reason is horrible, painful, and emotional. We would love to hear from those of you who experienced any of these three types of pregnancy loss.
Egg Freezing
Nasya Miller joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her egg freezing story and all the emotions she experienced during the process, how she started considering freezing her eggs in her early thirties, and her feelings of shame as she started grappling with the idea.
Before we jump full feet into this topic, we have to address all the reasons why someone may choose this as an option and why people may NOT choose egg preservation as an option.
Dr. Bat-Sheva Lerner Maslow joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about infertility, egg freezing, the right time to freeze eggs and more.
Emotional Support
Rachel Tuchman, LMHC joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about the most common emotions that people experience while on a fertility journey, when you should seek support and whether medication is safe for fertility treatments and/or pregnancy.
This time of year can feel like a transition into darkness. But the sun always rises. Look for the light ❤️ You got this. And we are here for you.
You Don’t See The Whole Story… Just a reminder that you never truly know what someone is dealing with.
Endometriosis
Like many chronic illnesses, endometriosis I is a lot about pretending. Like many other chronic illnesses, #endometriosis is a medical diagnosis, but so much more.
I first started having symptoms back when I got my first period at 13. Ever since then, I remember excruciating pain and my Dr telling me to take 2 days off from school each month. And in my young mind I was like, absolutely not. What will I do as an adult with responsibilities? I can’t just take 2 days off from life.
Leah and Michaela, join Aimee Baron, MD to talk about how they were diagnosed with endometriosis, how this illness affected fertility and how they handled the emotional aspects of living with and managing chronic pain.
Genetics
Rochel Lazar joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her personal fertility journey, and how shidduchim (matchmaking) in the Jewish community played a role in the secrecy.
Estie Rose MS, CGC, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about genetic testing, carrier testing and cancer screening as it relates to fertility and why genetic testing is important and why she recommends doing it before getting married/thinking about getting pregnant.
Shaindy Siegel joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her oldest child that was born with a rare genetic disorder for which both she and her husband are carriers, raising awareness for genetic testing and the shame that still exists in pockets of the Jewish community.
Grief
Swipe to see just a handful of examples of the different types of grief a person may experience on their fertility journey. All painful. All valid. Holding space for you all.
Grief is just weird. It’s all of these things and more. And no, you’re not the crazy one; It’s everyone else.
Holidays
It’s important to acknowledge that the holidays can be a very challenging time. Here are some quick healthy coping mechanisms to help you get through it, put together by our wonderful support group leader Rina Hennes Sabes.
Shira Collings MS, NCC, LPC joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about eating disorders, body image, and fertility journeys, and giving yourself grace to engage with the eating restrictions as little or as much as you want.
Gail Miller, MD joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her journey in to becoming a life coach, how she handled working with babies and children and what situations were triggering for her, and the experience of grief.
How to Support
Shoutout to all of you checking in on your friends. Our thoughts: Keep texting them, especially when things aren't okay. Just don't expect a reply - They'll respond when they are ready. So keep checking in on all your friends.
Here are some ways you can support someone who lost a baby. What are some other things you have done to support a loved one? What ways do you like to be supported?
We know that people tend to forget about those who are in it for the long haul. It’s much “easier” to show up for someone in a crisis.
Humor
Please... Just talk about sushi at the shmorg. Or the decor.The dresses that they are wearing. How nice it is to see cousins from the other side of the family. All about Aunt Rachel's new apartment. Your nephew's new job. What your granddaughter is learning in school.
Liz Glazer joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about the moment when everything changed, when her daughter, Leo Pearl, was stillborn and the aftermath, and growing up not knowing if she was ever going to be able to have a family.
Karen Jeffries joins Aimee Baron, MD to chat about being a teacher during the pandemic and how she uses comedy to help her through difficult times.
Infertility
Dvora Entin joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about the isolation of infertility and loss, how to be helpful when someone is suffering, and the unique pain of secondary infertility.
Jenna Bishop Sharp joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about growing up in a secular home and her return to Judaism in college, how her cycle shifted over time, and missing her fertile window because of taharas hamishpacha.
Sydney and Brit Sharon, join Aimee Baron, MD to talk about their lives and their journey to build their family, their IUI process, how they picked their donor sperm, and why they loved that process, and the legality of having two moms and what that might mean for their children.
Loss
Judith joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about losing her son, Aiden, to SIDS, what that day was like for her and how she grieved in the following weeks and navigating the grief, pain, comments, and all of the horribleness.
Chumi Friedman joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about different aspects of stillbirth support, in relation to Jewish law, decisions and choices that a couple grapples with from the moment they receive the bad news and more.
Here are 8 ways you can remember your baby. These are rituals that people in the IWSTHAB and loss communities do to help them memorialize and honor their babies. How do you remember your baby?
Male Factor Infertility
Daniel Landau joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about his story of needing to do IVF for genetic reasons and all the difficult emotions surrounding that and his path to starting an organization for solely to support men, Men's Helpline, which has a podcast, peer-to-peer support network other resources to help males in crisis.
Dr. Michael Werner, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about medical options for male infertility patients, ESSM, sperm mapping, Azoospermia and how those with this diagnosis actually do have viable sperm that can be found through various techniques.
Eli Weinstein, LMSW, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about his fertility journey, primary infertility due to a male and female factor, and how he coped with diagnosis and treatment.
Mikvah, Niddah & Intimacy
Beth Moskovic joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her experience as a relationship coach and kallah teacher, how to make your relationship better, even during times when you are a niddah and creating points of connection during the day.
Shevi Samet, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about niddah in regard to infertility and loss and the feelings that arise surrounding Niddah.
Dr. Naomi Marmon Grumet, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about practical tools and suggestions to use when dealing with fertility challenges, thinking about each dip with a different focus (past, present, future) and bringing a comforting friend with you.
Miscarriage
Hearing those words made me feel as if someone punched me in the stomach and I didn’t know how I was ever going to stand up straight again. “There’s no heartbeat” just changes you.
We often get asked how people can be supportive of those who are going through any kind of fertility challenge, and the answer is always to love them.
This is what miscarriage looks like. This is what stillbirth looks like. This is it. The moment the world stops. The moment you will use as a reference for how much time has passed.
PCOS
Shaina Glick joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her two children and the very different fertility journey that she had to take to have each of them, the first one that was “relatively” easy, and the other, which was much more difficult, and the years of treatments she went through and a miscarriage.
Personal Stories
Aimee Baron, MD talks about her own personal experiences with loss, how she grieved her losses, the person that helped her during that time and why she started I Was Supposed To Have A Baby.
Swipe to read this vulnerable and raw voice from the community about her pregnancy loss. The grief. The pain. The horror. And these emotions don’t just go away.
Everyone has different preferences when navigating the unimaginable heartbreak of pregnancy or infant loss. Swipe to read one woman’s personal thoughts and preferences. Does this resonate with you?
Pregnancy After Loss
The years that I kept losing baby after baby are a blur. I don’t remember much about family get-togethers or political events, and large swaths of time are just gone from my memory. What I do remember is the fear.
From a follower: “I have severe anxiety during pregnancy that something isn’t right and if I could I would go to the doctor daily to check on the baby. It’s so hard!!!
Chaya Hott joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about strategies on how she got through the crippling anxiety of that pregnancy, how rainbow babies don’t “fix” grief and how to hold joy and grief at the same time (especially in light of the war in Israel).
Pregnancy Announcements
We read all your comments and DMs across all our social media accounts (Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Tik Tok) and reviewed the poll from our Instagram story yesterday. We tallied up all your responses and categorized them into a few categories.
What’s the difference between secrecy and privacy?Privacy refers to your personal boundaries about your history, thoughts, opinions, and experiences separate from your partner and relationship. Secrecy, on the other hand, involves something that you are intentionally hiding.
The IWSTHAB community speaks! We've complied a carousel of all your suggestions on how and when you should tell your person that you are pregnant.
Recurrent Loss
The stories I have read in the last day were heartbreaking. Thank you all for trusting me with them and sharing your most vulnerable moments with me. This is a reminder that grief changes over time.
Linny Stone, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about how she met her husband, how she advocated for herself to her doctors, and her recurrent pregnancy loss.
Relationships and Friendships
Michael Bleicher joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about relationship challenges that can come up when a couple is dealing with any kind of fertility challenge, how you can support each other through it, and practical examples on how to gently get someone talking when they are shut down.
Kat Vellos, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about tips and suggestions as to how to make and keep meaningful friendships in our lives, her book “We Should Get Together” and how to maintain your friendships with those who knew you “before”.
Dr. Shy Krug, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about how to communicate more effectively with your partner/spouse during the fertility years, what to do when you disagree with your partner and how struggles lead to issues with intimacy.
Religion and Faith
Rabbi Johnny Solomon joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about his approach to life and struggle, knowing one's needs and acknowledging the struggle and how G-d can be with us during our pain, rather than viewed as causing our pain.
Kayla Haber-Goldstein joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about how to think about struggle, tests, and what happens when Gd says no.
Chaya Hott joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her anger at G-d, how that’s not something negative or forbidden, but a demonstration of a her relationship with Him, and how she views loss.
Secondary Infertility
A follower writes: "My 8 year old recently said that it's even harder for her to not have a sibling because at least I have one baby (her!) and she doesn't have any! Ouch, just ouch!!" Excuse me while I go wipe the tears streaming down my face.
Because they don't know how long or how hard you've been trying... #secondaryinfertility #ttcsupport #tryingtohaveababy #tryingtoconceive #gettingpregnant #fertilityproblems
Chaya Halon-Weinberg, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her experience with secondary infertility, how she dealt with her pain while surrounded by others in her family/community who were popping out babies and the nicest thing that someone did for her during her journey.
Self-Care
If you are considering adoption, or if you are still waiting for happens next, don't stop living in the meantime. There is so much life to be lived before your story ends.
DON’T do that thing tomorrow. DON’T give it your all. DON’T be strong. Rest isn’t laziness. Rest isn’t failure. Rest isn’t giving up. Rest is saying that you need a break from the world right now.
It’s not always about manicures, fuzzy blankets and scented candles. Sometimes it’s just about self-preservation ❤️
Sexual Health
Erectile dysfunction. Vaginismus. Vulvodynia. Decreased libido. Dyspareunia. These are just some of the reasons that one might be dealing with infertility, because of the inability to have intercourse.
The main thing that I wanted to convey is that vaginismus isn't a simple treatment and voila you're cured. There's different options women can pursue (sex therapy, pelvic floor therapy, etc) and I wanted to show that it can be trial and error. I think I was so set that, 'This is what I chose to do, there's no going back,' that it took me a long time to realize that I can change course and switch therapists, go to PT, etc.
Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, LSCW, MPH, PHD joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about intimacy challenges that can arise as couples struggle with their fertility.
Singles
Sara Blum, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about becoming a single mother to her “delicious son”, her entire story, from the years of being single, to freezing her eggs and beyond and deciding to become a single parent without her parents’ support.
Chanie Wassner joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about the unfairness of modern society placing undue emphasis on a women’s fertility, egg freezing and why it’s not all it’s cracked up to be (see what I did there?), and the perils of single parenthood.
We heard a lot during the live with @pharmieinthecity about the idea of 'disenfranchised grief'. Bereavement expert Kenneth Doka coined the term in 1989 to capture this feeling of loss that no one seems to understand and that you don't feel entitled to.
Surrogacy
Carrie Bornstein joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her experiences as a surrogate , the thoughts and feelings that led to her decision to become a surrogate, the agency she worked with, the legal process, and the matching that takes place.
Aliza Konig, Reena Bloom and Chana Shaffer join Aimee Baron, MD to talk about what brought them to surrogacy, how they navigated that journey, how they managed their family and friends during the process and how Reena and Chana had previous pregnancies, and surrogacy was chosen as a miraculous way they could grow their families.
Rabbi Dr. Erin Leib Smokler, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about her surrogacy story filled with laughs, pain, and everything in between and the guilt that came along with not being able to carry her own child.
Termination for Medical Reasons
“I’ve debated for a while if I should share our story or not, as my husband and I are not the type to share an intimate part of our lives. I saw a meme floating around the internet that said, ‘One day you will tell your story of how you’ve overcome what you’re going through now, and it will become part of someone else’s survival guide.”
Terminating a pregnancy for medical reasons brings complex emotions of grief, guilt, anger, sadness, frustration and so much more.
Third Party Reproduction
Rabbi Segelman from PUAH, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about the history behind the laws regarding infertility, the general basics of egg donation, sperm donation, and surrogacy, and questions from viewers.
Melissa Lindsey joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about the donor conceived community, the supports they offer for children who are donor conceived and the programs they run for the parents of donor conceived people and the DCPs themselves.
Lori Metz, LSCW joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about third party reproduction, how to come to terms with this possibility and what kinds of emotions one goes through when faced with this option.
Tokophobia
Yehudit Kosowsky, joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about tokophobia (the fear of getting pregnant), how it affected her journey, and her story about overcoming her fears.
What Not To Say
Tzipora Grodko joins Aimee Baron, MD to talk about 7 pain points people in the singles and fertility community feel as when they are hosted by family or friends for the holidays and how people are treated when they are a guest in someone’s home.